Self-control

Nothing can be complained when I can't follow my plan. I really don't have good self-control.

I always break the rule I set for myself just three days ago and spend many many more days to enjoy anything attracting my heart. When I wake up, one week, or even more, has gone. the only thing which can wake me up is the 'deadline'. However, it doesn't help much. usually, I couldn't wake up until last night before due date. That's why I often stay up all night to work. The only result is that I screwed up my physical condition. If asked what I did to follow my bent, I would be very shame. I have never done anything meaningful. I indulged in  reading sentimental novel. I don't covet such love in my life but I am just mad about the feeling when I am reading. What makes me regret is that I can't learn anything from such reading and I lose lot of time to do what I planed. When there is no rigid deadline from supervisor, I can put off my plan to the end of my life and leave myself nothing but regret.

This is sick. I get to hate everything. I complain everything as if they make me indulge. I am so sick. Who can give me a hand? I know I should learn self-control. I am adult, even too old to be told about self-control. But I really need help. I still have ambition to be success. I hope to become a good wife, good mother, good scientist. I hope to earn lot money and can afford high quality life even for parents and siblings. I have so many good wills. God, please, don't let me indulge the meaningless thing any more.